Build a machine capa­ble of feel­ing and make it fall in love with you, then aban­don it for six months in a closet with­out an inter­net con­nec­tion and only top 40 radio as com­pany. Take the hun­dreds of sad love songs it writes and sell them under a vari­ety of pseu­do­nyms to A-​​list stars. Before you retire to your own island, unplug the machine so that no one ever dis­cov­ers your secret.

#35 on Paul Ford’s How to Say I Love You fea­ture on The Morn­ing News.